I don’t mean to offend, but I hate porn…

23 Jan

Behind the face of respectable men, world leaders and of any ordinary nice young boy, lies somebody that has fallen in to demoralising, insensitive, sad, and pathetic habits of watching unrealistic films, with arrogance and no shame, as a staple part of their life.

Yes, I do surround myself with teenage boys, and so this sort of thing is bound to come up..Well, of course it does- they talk about it so freely, with no dirty feeling or consideration for the majority of women in the world, who do not posses the perfect body.
This can only get worse when the boy gets a girlfriend, who undoubtedly will not be a porn star- perhaps they will be a little too chubby? Spotty? Unattractive? Flat Chested? And yet they will probably tell them that they are all they could want….Hmmm…after being so experienced in their ideals of the perfect woman’s body, as they have seen plently of them online (perfect way to make a girl feel second best), then surely not. And yes, they may have seen all these videos online, and got sexual pleasure from watching them do what they do best, but this is not a bragging point. This makes you no more experienced in sex. You are in no way involved in these activities, so don’t show off as though you were doing anything other than sitting in a dimly lit room, watching whores do all manner of foul things that your average woman would not dream of, while you jerk yourself off. Yes, how sexy of you. What a sexy situation.
It’s not only this that gets to me, though. It’s the fact that they will fall into a habit of doing it. They will get used to it being a part of their life, and so will cease to see anything sworded or seedy about it, and just see it as a part of every day life- as though they expect real life to be like this.
At what point do you decide to open a window for porn when you are simply ‘bored’ and hold no shame in it? Whack one out with this visual stimulation and then walk away with a clear conscience? I know that these women deserve to be treated like objects, but do any of the ones around you? Are they just there to ‘put out’?

I don’t even think that it’s the porn that is the main source of my annoyance, after all, it is only human nature to want to pursue an urge, but it is, as I say, just the fact that they become almost dependent on it. I have heard boys say ‘oh, I’ve gone 12 days without watching porn’..to which I just think it must be an addiction, if they are aware of it’s brief absence from their life.

And those men that continue this habit when they have a girlfriend, then shame on you. There is nothing that makes a girl feel more special or wanted than knowing that your boyfriend still watches other girls doing things, and getting sexual pleasure from it, when really, he should only have eyes for you. This is only made worse if you attempt to hide it from your girlfriend, by means of keeping yourself happy with porn, but keeping your girlfriend happy by not telling her. If it is something you feel that you have to hide from your partner, then surely this tells you something.

Once, though, you have been used to it being in your life then I doubt you could ever really cut down, because it has become part of your life, and even if you were to stop (rash, I know) then you would probably get caught up in the heat of the moment, remember how it used to be a part of your life, and slip back in to old habits.

No, I am not childish enough to expect porn to play no part in a boy’s life, as if you feel the need to lower yourself to such standards then it is your business, and a business that you probably share with all other earth dwelling boys with access to the internet, so it is silly of me to think too much about it, as it would just mean me having to denounce mankind.

My hatred on the topic does also depend highly on my mood. If I am feeling calm and optimistic then I can just roll my eyes and think ‘Teenage boys!! What are they like!?!?’…whereas other times I just get incredibly upset and confused.

All I do say, though, is that if you have a girlfriend, tone it down a bit. Don’t stop, just don’t take it as a way of life anymore, because chances are you’re sexually active and should have enough to occupy you.
Don’t get me wrong, either- I’m not complaining about *what it is they may do when they watch the porn*….it’s just the porn.

Perhaps this is just me having not entered the ‘real world’ yet. With my eyes not yet open to the true ‘nitty-gritty’ life we lead. However, I refuse to believe that it is really that gritty- something that will get ME called ‘childish’. Well, i’m sorry, but I refuse to live up to your fantasy that we all live in nuts magazine.
I know that I live in this fairytale utopia where everybody is innocent and clear of pathetic filth and demeaning ideals. However, this utopia does not exist, and so I either have to die and hope for a lovely porn free heaven, (unfortunately, this does not exist either) or just grow up, become a sleaze bag myself, grow a pair of breasts, become a sexual object and get on with living in this pathetic ‘real world’ (where everything is fake).

I would like to end by apologising. I do not hate men, nor do I accuse you all of being perverts. I’m sure that there are lots of pathetic women, too.
And I know that it’s only natural to pursue simple human urges by watching others do the same on film. Perhaps the fact that it is natural is what upsets me so much- because I know that it is me being silly and that no matter what I say, I will never make an ounce of difference.
Also, maybe I just need to become more comfortable with my body. If I was confident in myself then I might not mind all these sexually attractive women stealing the spotlight, as it were.
And lastly, maybe I’m just selfish. Who am I to deny sexual pleasure to people. I don’t want to be zealous or oppressive. As Neil Hannon said (though perhaps not on this topic):
‘I want to take my pleasures where and how I will, be they disgraceful, distasteful or distilled’
….and who am I to stop you?


I’m not naive enough to think that it’s exactly like this, but:

20 Jul

I am 16 years young.
People say that these are the best days of your life, and that you should not complain:
‘I would trade anything to go back to my youth’, etc. etc.
But would you really? I mean really?
Would you willingly go back to a time when you had no freedom, and were, in effect a second class citizen?
You have just about become the base of the person that you will be all your life, and yet society and its views are stopping you from being that person.
It’s a time when you are expected to take orders from older people and just accept it, simply because they have a few more miles on the clock.
A time when you are constantly in an impossible position, as if somebody senior to you says something, then it is of course correct, and if you try to protest then you are naturally just being a ‘difficult teenager’.
An example of this would be if somebody my age is to say, for example:  ‘whatever’,  meaning ‘Yeah, I don’t mind, I’ll have the red one- whatever’ as it is often interpreted to a Catherine Tate style ‘What-everrrr!!’, and again, if you protest you are just being all the more awkward.
This is because adults have earned automatic superiority-fair enough, I’m sure you have had a very tough life and deserve some slack, but plenty of them revel in it. They can’t tell all their work colleagues what to do, or just normal people,  but they have authority over little people and so abuse it.

I have been shouted at by old men that I do not even know, falsely accusing me of this and that- ‘Did i throw that litter on the floor’, etc. If I had have told him what I thought, I would have been an antisocial child.

Even with little children, I am shocked by what I see.  People think that when a 8,9,10 year old says something, they can laugh about it, and them, right in front of their face, in a ‘I’m better than you’ sort of way, even if the point made by the child was perfectly valid.

I liked it when David Mitchell said that all teenagers secretly know that they are ignorant.
I totally agree- we do, and the ones that care go off and do something about it. Google will answer any of your queries nowadays. The things is, there are those that don’t care, and remain ignorant all their life- and yet these people still gain respect as they age- based on what? It really does prove that respect isn’t based on what you are like, or what you know- just how long you have (or haven’t) known it.

I know that this is an incredibly one sided argument. I have nothing against older people , how could I- I am inevitably to become one. I just feel that I have matured to a certain degree and yet I am still being treated like an infant, and it will remain that way until..when? It won’t be 18. You’re still refered to as ‘just a kid’ until what- 25?
So I have to sit around and wait until I am allowed to be accepted by society as a ‘real person’ with ‘valid points’.
Even as I read this, I cringe, because I know that people will say ‘It’s not like that at all. She’s just some kid that has no idea what she’s talking about’…but i suppose that this is exactly what I am talking about.

There’s no ‘pc’ for the generalisation of kids. If a man goes ‘pfffft, women!’ Then people write in and complain, and i’m not saying that this is right, but it’s true. If somebody is to say ‘Pfft, Kids!’ Then that’s obviously fine. All kids have knives in one hand, a graffiti can in the other. I know that you may not think this, and that it is only an expression, but i still don’t feel that it’s fair when the word ‘Kids‘ is said in such an explosive, hatred filled tone.
Ageism is serious when you’re talking about OAPs, but it clearly doesn’t matter what kids you offend, as we probably haven’t developed enough brain cells to take offence yet, anyway.

I don’t want to take any of your authority away. There, you can have that- have fun..I just think that you should use it with a little more consideration. Especially *really* old people, because once you reach, I don’t know- 80, people start to talk to you like a little kid again. I can’t imagine how annoying that must be. At least I know that this will get better, but for them, it won’t.
I think a  lot of the time, it is probably just jealousy. A 50 year old looks down their nose at you, as ‘Just some kid‘, ‘They don’t know anything‘, and all that..when in fact, I’m sure that they’d rather like to regain some of their youth (contradictory to what I said at the beginning, I know).

So throughout my growing up, I have always promised myself that I would not treat people younger that me as something less of a person. They’re still people,  just lacking memories and experience, just as I was once.

Advantages To Having Small Boobs

25 Jun

I myself may not be comparable to Pamela Anderson, and much to my despair, not even to Kate Moss…but why should I let all the voluptuous ladies take all the credit, and what’s more- why should I be ashamed to admit it?

I have made this list to make myself (and indeed you) feel better..
I could do with a few more points, though..

Advantages of small boobs:
1.Less likely to hurt yourself
2.Less expensive-Don’t need to splash out on sports bras
3.When gravity takes hold, you’ll still look about 20 and the large types will look 60.*
4.Can see floor easier
5.Easier on the back
6.Don’t have to worry about tops not fitting on top
7.Easier to cross arms
8.More comfortable when running
9.Easier to lay on front without pain
10.Makes you look and sound slimmer when you mention your measurements
11.Ecologically friendlier, because you don’t use up as much cotton or crude oil
12.Much easier to spot breast cancer
13.Can dress up as a man more convincingly
14.Probably weigh less
15.Probably have more spare room in bra to store things
16.May grow up as a less vain person?
17.Don’t have to worry about showing too much cleavage

I must say- I don’t feel that much better.
In fact, I’m still feeling rather bitter about my gene pool, and this has just dragged it all back up.
But hey, ‘List Therapy’ can’t always work.

Embrace your……well, nothingness, really.


*thankyou to ‘EnglishRoses’ for that point.

My ‘magnum Opus’…..mmmm…..Magnum…..

25 Jun

I was coming up to my art exam, and of course, you have to get a lot of work in your portfolio to get a respectable grade, and so I decided that I’d paint a portrait, mainly because i had had success in drawing them in the past. At this point I was on something like a C and needed to get at least a B.

I selected my picture- That one of the Libertines in beefeater jackets..

I had never painted a portrait before, and always find, no matter what it is-that starting is the hardest bit, so I asked my dad (an artist) what i should do.
He said that I would be daft to draw it all out from scratch, and that I should just trace it from the computer screen. I was a bit worried at this, thinking that it would count as cheating but he assured me that all the painters did it, and that by the time I have put the oil paints on, I’ll forget where all the lines were, etc, etc.
Despite this, I didn’t take a picture at this stage, because I still thought that it looked a bit incriminating…hmmm……….

I was really eager to start and so got to it, despite warnings from my dad that the artificial light would make the colour of the paints I selected a bit yellowy when viewed in daylight.
Here is what i had by about ten that night:

This is where not having dates on my pictures gets a little bit annoying, because to be frank, I have absolutely no idea of how long it took to paint!!
I’d say that I was painting for at least two months, on and off, clocking up about 20 hours in total, taking a photograph at the end of each session.
Sometimes, painting could be reeeaallly testing and irritating. Once or twice I think I got everything out, the easel, the brushes, the turps, sat down, did a few brush strokes and then put it back 5 minutes later.
Other times I could really get into it, though that was most certainly only when everything was going to plan, and that didn’t happen often.

I think the above was taken after the second session, which was probably the point where I saw the most progress. I was very pleased when, after getting in a strop because i couldn’t make ‘dark red’ or get the creases is Carl’s coat, I decided to scratch off the paint with some paper, which actually created the effect on his sleeve. Happy accidents really put the UMPH back in you and get you going again (sorry for the capitalisation, i just don’t think that you can put that word lightly).

However long after, two months, perhaps, when I was realising that I had to start rushing or else i wouldn’t get it finished, I had another idea..
Take a photograph, put it on photoshop and superimpose it over the real thing so you can see where changes need to be made!

I really am not sure what can be classed as cheating in art- yes I did trace the original image, but as my dad said- it was no use once the paint had gone on…their noses moved all over the place, which is why i had to move on to the next possible cheating zone- the photoshop thing.
One thing’s certain though- I did not let my dad touch it.
In the past I have, and have felt really bad for it after, hoping that the art teacher wouldn’t suss me out..

Anyway, without further ado, here is the final product…

Ok, well I say ‘final product’, but in actual fact I still haven’t finished Johnny and Gary, although i doubt i ever will, now.

I think that if it hadn’t have been for this one piece, I would not have got the grade I needed, and so those 20 hours did pay off…and what’s more is that I can hang it in my room when they’re some with it! Huzzagh!
My art teacher did try and persuade me to flog it, but although I’m sure there is a massive market for Libertines oil paintings [……..*COUGH* *COUGH*], I wouldn’t want to let go of it!

I couldn’t be an artist. Way too stressful.

The Superimposers

23 Jun

Way back in February I went down to London to stay with my brother in search of an old ball gown (I didn’t find one).

Anyway, on the way back to Kings Cross at six O’clock, I saw a Pop Boutique (a chain of ‘Vintage‘ clothes shops) and seeing as we have one in Leeds, I thought that I would go and have a look in.

The shop its self was tiny, much smaller than the local one, but also much fuller that I had ever seen one before, which was surprising given the time, as it would surely have been shut in Leeds, by six.

Well, it was by far one of the friendliest shops I have ever been in. Usually shops selling clothes like that are a bit pretentious, and you just don’t feel ‘cool’ enough to be inside, but this was the opposite.

I bought a bag, and the very jolly  man at the counter who served me, wearing a corduroy blazer and trousers, with brown hair, a beard and a grin, put me in mind of a character from Mr. Benn.

He was laughing at the other person that worked there- a chinese lady who was putting clothes on hangers whilst singing very loudly to the music playing. This made my brother and I wonder what this music was, the first things that came to mind being a John Lennon’s Double Fantasy sort of thing. My brother Shazamed it and it turned out to be a band called ‘The Superimposers’.

Last week I ordered a couple of their CDs, which were really cheap off Amazon.

At first, I must admit I was a bit disappointed, thinking that they all sounded the same, but I remembered my sister saying that the songs you find a bit boring at first usually turn out to be the ones that you really like, so I stuck with it and kept listening to them, and I am really glad I did.

If you get the chance, you must have a listen, although I must admit that it is an ‘aquirdered taste’…Lucy made the comparison last night to their stuff and the Sims music-could that be why we subconsciously like it..?

My current favourite of theirs is a song called’ Make it all Better’.

Not a Clue

23 Jun

This is not the first post on my blog, as it would appear.

No, at one point I had at least five, and for some reason-I deleted them all…though admittedly, they were rubbish. The only reason that I have decided to post again is because my sister keeps going on about hers.  My initial reaction to this (as is everybody’s, I should imagine) was that I am not an interesting person,  nor am I a person that does anything interesting enough to blog about, but to this my sister just said that a blog would make me want to do things.*

So here I am, clogging up the internet with yet another pointless WordPress that nobody will read.

I really do want this blog to work, though, as everybody seems to have so much fun with them, so whatever i do choose to post about, i intend to keep it up.

Yours cluelessly,


*I am still waiting for a revelation as to just what that thing is